Therapy - Part 1
Time for a change, getting started, and Gavin
In January, I started therapy. I’ll explain why in a moment.
It’s been illuminating to say the least.
Ten minutes into the first session, my therapist laughed and said:
It feels like as soon as we open the cupboard door with you everything will come tumbling out.
I smiled. My jaw clenched a little tighter. Here we go I thought.
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Time for a Change
It’s been quite the experience. But before we get into all that, back to the why.
Why therapy? Why now?
If you’d asked me how I was doing last year I’d have said All good. All is well. But every now and again I’d follow up with a chuckle and an of course, there’s the weight of running a startup.
That weight had been building for years. The heavier it got, the more I explained it away. It’s just part of the game I thought.
But towards the end of last year I changed my mind. I suspected there was more going on. So I turned to therapy.
I’m a fan of therapy, so not a difficult decision. I’ve done various stints over the years:
Four months of psychosexual therapy in 2021. Instantly effective, curing a decade of fierce aversion to relationships.
And two less successful bouts whilst attempting to save a failing relationship in 2023. Neither the relationship nor the therapy saw out the year.
I’m a rather introspective chap so there’s little I like more than delving into my psyche and unearthing the flaws in the system. I find the whole process a joy.
So it was with a spring in my step that I embarked on this next experience.
Getting Started
Where to find a therapist? I had no idea. But I didn’t have far to look before fortune intervened.
At an event the very next week I was gifted complimentary sessions, with three different therapists. I wasted no time booking myself in.
A week later I was sat in the first session.
It was thrilling. She was young, sharp, and quick in conversation. We flew through 30 years in 50 minutes. I left energised. I was sure I’d work with her.
Just one of the remaining two got back to me. I’d enjoyed the first session so much that I questioned the need to see another. But for whatever reason I booked it in.
It was with a chap called Gavin.
Gavin
A week later I was sat in Gavin’s office.
He’s middle aged, Scottish, with a dry humour, and an almost theatrical manner. Within five minutes, I realised this was going to be a very different experience. He made a remark so direct and challenging it left me speechless.
The next 45 minutes followed a similar vein. I kept smiling, though through gritted teeth. Every fibre of my body hummed with adrenaline. It was intense.
I walked out of that session stunned.
Gone was the spring in my step. What just happened? I wondered.
When I’d regained my composure, I turned my mind to the looming question: Which therapist should I choose? Deep down, however much I fought it, I knew the answer.
Oh God. I thought. I’m going to have to work with Gavin.
There was no turning back now. The die was cast.
— —
To be continued…
What I’ve Been Reading 📚
Trotsky by Robert Service
Trotsky, born a Ukrainian peasant, rose to be one of the 20th century’s defining figures. A remarkable talent, yet arrogant and confrontational to the extreme.
Loved this book; one hell of a story, beautifully told. Gripping.
Babel by Rebecca K. Fuang
Thrilling. I recently read Yellowface by the same author and both are thoroughly engrossing, despite the very different settings. This is more historical fiction with a fantasy twist on British Colonialism. Rather profound.
A Final Thought 💡
"The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself."
- Thales