#5 - This is it
More stitches, a false start, and the shortness of life
I woke up, head pounding, the taste of sick in my mouth.
And a throbbing pain above my left eye.
Jesus… what happened last night?
I gingerly climbed out of bed and padded over to the mirror.
F**k.
Welcome new readers! Forwarded this email? Subscribe below. Enjoy this email? Forward it to a friend.
Stitches
My eyebrow- now the size of a golf ball- sported a jagged line of stitches.
Ah, yes- I thought.
Memories of an A&E waiting room trickled back to me.
What on earth had happened?
A conversation with my housemate, Chris, revealed I’d stumbled home at 3am with no phone and blood pouring out of the cut above my eye.
Quite a sight apparently.
Chris had kindly carted me to A&E where I was patched up.
I never found out what happened. I’d love to tell you this was a one off but it was rather a typical night in my second year of University.
False Start
I’ve spent most of my life waiting. Waiting for life to start.
The result was a misspent youth.
I drink a lot, worked little, gambled, messed around with drugs. Always with the justification that the next stage of life would be where I got my act together.
Eventually I did. Some sort of a work ethic developed and I even stopped drinking.
However what I failed to shake is the feeling that life was always just around the corner.
First it was waiting until University. Next waiting until I’d start work. Then until my next job role. Then until launching our first cabin.
Today, it persists:
Wait until we have two cabins, then it’s really started.
What’s dawned on me is that this is it.
I don’t need the next thing. Life has begun.
The Shortness of Life
There’s a couple of wonderful quotes on this in On the Shortness of Life by Seneca:
“They lose the day in expectation of the night, and the night in fear of the dawn.”
“Life is long if you know how to use it.”
Life truly is long if we know how to use it.
But for the most part? We don’t.
I suspect I’m not alone in frittering away months and years in anticipation for what comes next.
However the cost of this is losing today.
Whether that’s surround by love ones or changing a compostable toilet at an off-grid cabin in Essex, every day truly can be lived like your best.
This is it!
“What day is it?” asked Pooh.
“It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.
“My favourite day,” said Pooh.”
― A.A. Milne
Love this “They lose the day in expectation of the night, and the night in fear of the dawn.” I’ve wasted too many years fearing something isn’t the ‘right time’ too! I decided enough was enough this year, perhaps the change of how we use time during the pandemic has helped. Great post! 👍